Waiting mode: when an appointment stops you starting

Waiting mode is a phrase some people use for not being able to get on with other things before an important appointment or event ^[1]. It is an everyday phrase and not a clinical term ^[1].

Below are ideas people use for a day like that, four sentences you can borrow, and a short look at what research says about time and remembering ^{[5][6][7][8][9][10]}. The ideas come from guidance pages about ADHD ^[1][2][3]. You can treat them as a menu and take one, or none. If starting is hard on any day, not only before an appointment, Can't start a task even when you want to looks at that.

What helps when something later today stops you starting?

Most of the ideas make the hours before the event easier to see. Here is what people suggest.

Some people start from the event and work backward: the time it starts, then travel, then getting ready. What is left shows how much of the day is free ^[1].

Some people set alarms in steps: one for starting to get ready, one for leaving, one for the start of the event ^[1]. ADDitude describes alarms in two ways: a heads-up before a change, and a check-in ^[2].

A short list of small tasks with no deadline, grouped by how long each takes, can wait for the gap before the event ^[1].

If waiting mode tends to show up before afternoon appointments, some people plan the things they want to do for the morning ^[1].

Time can also be put where the eyes can find it. ADDitude mentions analog clocks in view, a shrinking-disk timer or an hourglass, and a bright colour-coded calendar ^[2]. Understood mentions a written list or a calendar note for adults, so the plan lives on paper or a screen and not only in your head ^[3].

Extra room is another idea. Understood, in a guide for adults with ADHD and parents of children with ADHD, suggests adding a few extra minutes when changing from one activity to the next, so nobody feels rushed. It also suggests laying out clothes and things to bring the night before, which it says can reduce stress ^[3].

One more idea works differently. Healthline suggests using the waiting time for rest or self-care, and setting down the pressure to get things done ^[1]. The wait can simply be a pause.

What is "waiting mode"?

One health website, writing about ADHD, says the phrase comes from ordinary talk and that people use it for their own experience ^[1].

You may know it by another name, or have no name for it. It can look like an afternoon that feels lost because of something waiting at the end of it. The ideas above are for that shape of day.

What can you say when you notice it?

These are short sentences to tell yourself while it is happening.

"There is something later. Right now I have time to do one thing."

"I can start one small thing. The appointment will still be there."

"Waiting can be what I do right now."

"I can look at the plan once, then put it down."

You can change any of them until they sound like you.

What do autistic adults describe?

In a focus-group study of 32 autistic adults about starting, stopping and switching, some people said deadlines and fixed outside commitments got them moving. Others said deadlines added stress or made starting harder. Lists, reminders and alarms helped some people and not others ^[4].

One person booked a fixed time for an appointment so they would have to get up and leave. They said the rest of the day went more smoothly than a day with nothing to get them up ^[4]. So a fixed commitment is something some people use on purpose, and the same tool can feel different from one person to the next.

Why can the time before an event feel stuck?

Research on time and memory gives some background. It looks at ADHD and autism separately.

Remembering to do something at a set time, like leaving for an appointment, is a different job from remembering to act when a cue shows up. A 2017 review combined six studies with 118 autistic and 118 non-autistic people (children and adults together) and found a large difference at a set time and a small one when a cue appears ^[5]. In a lab study of 25 adults with ADHD and 25 without, the groups did about the same on tasks with a cue, and the ADHD group scored much lower on tasks at a set time ^[6]. In a lab study of 25 autistic adults and 25 without autism, the autistic group made fewer correct responses on set-time tasks and checked the passing time less closely ^[7].

These studies are about remembering to act at a set time. That is related to, but not the same as, the feeling of being unable to start anything while waiting. They are lab tasks, so they give background and not an explanation of one person's day.

Judging how long short intervals last has also been studied. For ADHD, a review of 55 studies found more difficulty on several timing tasks, from fractions of a second to several seconds ^[8]. For autism, a review of more than 40 studies found mixed results ^[9]. In one study of 58 autistic and 91 non-autistic adults, timing tasks went about the same in both groups, while the groups described their own timing in daily life differently ^[10].

About this article

• The practical ideas come from guidance pages (Healthline, ADDitude, Understood) and from what autistic adults described in a focus-group study. The example sentences are Mindum's own wording. The research summaries come from studies with autistic adults and with adults with ADHD, read separately.
• Some research summaries are based on abstracts: ^{[6][7][8][10]} (marked in Sources).
• If the time before an event brings worry or distress that affects eating or daily life, a clinician can look at that.

Sources

1. Healthline. ADHD waiting mode. Written by Rayne Whitington, medically reviewed by Bethany Juby, PsyD. 13 September 2024. healthline.com/health/adhd/adhd-waiting-mode
2. ADDitude. Losing track of time? 8 ways to end ADHD time blindness. Mareen Dennis, MS LPP. Updated 7 May 2025. additudemag.com/losing-track-of-time-adhd
3. Understood. Feeling overwhelmed this holiday season? A Q&A guide for adults and parents of kids with ADHD. Understood Team. 8 December 2025. understood.org/en/blog/overwhelmed-qa-adhd-holidays
4. Buckle KL, Leadbitter K, Poliakoff E, Gowen E. "No way out except from external intervention": first-hand accounts of autistic inertia. Frontiers in Psychology. 2021;12:631596. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.631596
5. Landsiedel J, Williams DM, Abbot-Smith K. A meta-analysis and critical review of prospective memory in autism spectrum disorder. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders. 2017;47(3):646-666. doi:10.1007/s10803-016-2987-y
6. Altgassen M, Kretschmer A, Kliegel M. Task dissociation in prospective memory performance in individuals with ADHD. Journal of Attention Disorders. 2014;18(7):617-624. doi:10.1177/1087054712445484 (abstract read)
7. Altgassen M, Koban N, Kliegel M. Do adults with autism spectrum disorders compensate in naturalistic prospective memory tasks? Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders. 2012;42(10):2141-2151. doi:10.1007/s10803-012-1466-3 (abstract read)
8. Marx I, Cortese S, Koelch MG, Hacker T. Meta-analysis: altered perceptual timing abilities in attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. 2022;61(7):866-880. doi:10.1016/j.jaac.2021.12.004 (abstract read)
9. Casassus M, Poliakoff E, Gowen E, Poole D, Jones LA. Time perception and autistic spectrum condition: a systematic review. Autism Research. 2019;12(10):1440-1462. doi:10.1002/aur.2170
10. Poole D, Casassus M, Gowen E, Poliakoff E, Jones LA. Time perception in autistic adults: interval and event timing judgments do not differ from nonautistics. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General. 2022;151(11):2666-2682. doi:10.1037/xge0001203 (abstract read)

By Mindum. An app to track and regulate emotions, energy, and focus.